Semi-Ripe Banana

2.0…

3-peat…

or…

Here it is! We counted down to ten— again and a new year has arrived— this one finally doesn’t sound like the old adage “fool me once— shame on you. fool me twice— shame on me…”

It sounds new, fresh— and not the kind of “fresh” in the way my kids speak to me some afternoons when they get off the school bus hangry or overtired or something is just not right there are too many words to find the right ones to use.

Fresh, like a semi-ripe banana on the verge of possibilities…

I stopped writing for awhile. Maybe I was too busy or didn’t have time for myself differently than before.

Ok. I actually didn’t stop writing just writing down.

I think I’ll always have something to say and better write but finding the time to get it down has shifted. It’s like I got something new. Sure I want to pour out all my feelings and reflections in between the crease of my diary and not my forehead, but instead my time is absorbed by good distractions.

I caught the ball drop with those ten seconds to spare and thought about everything 2020-2022 taught me. You see it’s not a year in review but a long reflective of the last two years.

First and foremost, getting older is a have to do but growing up is a choice. I can do hard things — really hard things. I can wear my heart on my sleeve but still fiercely protect it. And yes! It will still break into a million little pieces, but I can also put it back together — better than before— sometimes. The people I thought were my forever were my then and now there are actually some people who are my always. My children are my everything, but I can only be everything to them if I put myself on the list, too. I must remember the rule of the oxygen mask in case of emergency some days. This one is the hardest. And thanks to Emily in Paris I was reminded “not choosing is still a choice.”

So almost 3 days in and I decided not to make any resolutions— preemptively. What’s the use? I’m going to resolve to what comes next as it should. I can’t control my destiny. I learned two years ago, as so many of us who had plans and are still waiting to make good use or take flight with those plans that we can’t control everything. Sometimes our plans are out of our control and something else is waiting for us instead. I can appreciate the things that happen for a reason and for whatever reason they might be I will accept them, learn and grow from them. There will still be really hard days and days that are the best kind of leftovers.

I am not always thankful for everything but I’m grateful for everything and more. I have been given so much and try not to over take.

I am a true work in progress… I can’t start over but I can keep going to hopefully get it better…

And a toast to remember to keep writing it down because it’s the best way to remember all of it — my forever scrapbook…

“Heartbeats only happen one at a time, one at a time.
You can't rush a moment so don't even try, don't even try.
There's a symphony you're missing.
If you only listen, you'll find.

Big magic in the mundane.
The big picture in a small frame.
Everything is sacred when you take time to notice.
Big love happens in the small moments. ”

—       Big Love, Small Moments by: JJ HELLER